yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
