didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
