How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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