I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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