Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
