how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
