I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
