I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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