my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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