Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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