I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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