Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
