Someone shit on the floor
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
