On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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