i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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