What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
