then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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