omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This gyro tastes like lonliness
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
