she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
