i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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