Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
