Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
