So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
