His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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