I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
