the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I need moral support for this bender
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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