I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
