im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
