How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
