I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
