R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
