he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I miss vodka workout Fridays
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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