Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
