I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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