Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
