At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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