I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
