the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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