I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
