I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
