I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
