I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
