Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
