the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
