Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
it's great music for shaving your balls
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
