dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize