i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
