i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
