well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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