He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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