Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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